The Beginning of a ______ Influence

Wow, I have a blog. Oh yes I remember starting this. Its been a while since I did anything (even looked at) on blogger. So yea I'm back to do a blog it seems.

As all I seem to do so far is tell you how to make friends the Titch way and the tittle of this blog promises more than just that, I am now going to try and help you influence people the Titch way. But to do that I must tell you how to make friends with a fat boy first.

MAKING FRIENDS WITH A FAT BOY

the Titch way

The fat boy this way(the Titch way) of making friends with is no other than the Fat Boy formerly known a Calum.

So if you think a fat boy is missing from your "posy" then you can follow this 6 step guide may be what you need.

1. Be in a town center not far from previously mentioned McDonalds near the target fat boy
2. Talk to fat boy but be ignorant and not listen when he tells you his name
3. Want to get the attention of the Fat Boy so shout out " oi Fat Boy"*
4. Wait an unrecorded amount of time during which meny people with start to call the fat boy Fat Boy
5. In a night club be hugged and thanked for giving him the name Fat Boy bay the fat boy
6. Wake up naked on your sofa with Fat Boy up stars next to your wet bed

FRIENDSHIP CONFIRMED

the Titch way

Now on the the new business of Influencing people.

INFLUENCING THE MASSES

the Titch way

If you need to influence people to start calling someone by a new name its quite simple, in fact there is only one step needed. But however there is one pre-requirement needed.

pre-requirement:-

• Be a lazy cunt who dosnt listen and lern the names of people when they tell you them

One step guide:-

• Find some one who isn't going to get offended by step 3 of Making Friends With A Fat Boy The Titch Way and perform the 3rd step of Making Friends With A Fat Boy The Titch Way

The Moral of this post is if you are going to be lazy and not remember some ones name, don't be homophobic it may just end up in a drunken hug and you cleaning a bed that is wet for some unknown reason.

*Try to make sure your fat boy is not easily offended and knows that fat is not a bad thing or a physical condition its a state of mind and something to be proud of

The Beginning of a ______ Friendship

I think after the last post I should explain what a Manders is, as some of you may not know this rare being. Mandi are mammals very closely related to humans.

Similar to the Spice Girls there 5 Types of Manders:-  

(in age order)

1. Wo-Manders
   
2. Indie-Manders
   
3. Hippie-Manders
   
4. Goth-Manders
   
5. Sporty-Manders
   

MAKING FRIENDS WITH A MANDERS

the Titch way 

The Manders that this way (the Titch way) of making friends with was a Hippie-Manders aka Manders.

So if you think you need to make friends with a Manders, this simple 8 step guide may be the key to your happiness.

1. Await the meeting of a Manders if a drinking Establishment (pre anti alcohol years)
2. Talk to the Manders and ask if they like "room odorisers"
3. Share "room odorisers"
4. Get a job with the Manders
5. Move in with Manders (by this point you should have learnt his name) 
6. Fall out with Manders and move out of the house*
7. Start Talking to Manders again*
8. Travel Europe with Manders**

Because popular (Ryan) demand every Post will have a Moral, so the Moral of this post is if you are going to make friends with Manders check that you have got plenty of spontaneity, enjoy "mushrooms" and Christmas dinner (non necessarily together) and have a passport

*Time saving tip you may want to miss out steps 6 and 7 even if that means missing out step 5 and possibly 4.

**Not entirely necessarily 

The Beginning of a ______ Blog

I will start this blog as the logical place, somewhere around the middle of my life. The middle being anywhere between the second I was born (or conceived depending on your outlook of life) to the second I die (or one of many other possibilities depending on your outlook on death).

Anywho the start. A few weeks ago (in the middle of my life) an alarm on my phone alarmed(funnily  enough), telling me to write a book tittled "How to Make Friends and Influence People the Titch Way". That alarm was put on my phone by non other than a drunken Titch, (sorry about the 3rd person its a nasty side effect of facebook) in a bid to remember a conversation (this is done a lot by me..... very rarely works). This time it worked and I remembered (some of) a conversation I had with a Mr Daniel Shaw the night before. The conversation ended something like this :-

Danny: You should write a book called "How to Make Friends and Influence People the Titch Way".

Me: *drunkenly* ok i will put a alarm on my phone so I remember. 

So there you go the reason of this blog.

To the start of the point of the blog *wush*

 I can only think of one place to start with:-

MAKING FRIENDS WITH GINGER SMITHY'S 

the Titch way

The Ginger Smithy that this way(the Titch way) was successfully tested on is one Mr Daniel Shaw. 

So if you are missing that ginger smithy from your friends (myspace and facebook friends list dose not count) this 3 step guide will help:-

1. Wait for a ginger smithy to enter a McDonalds
2. Follow with a ever ready Manders
3. Attempt to deroab said ginger smith from the waist down*

The Moral of this post (I have just decided this post needs a Moral) is if you are going befriend a Ginger Smith in McDonalds with an ever ready Manders by Attempting to deroab him from the waist down be prepared to make a blog later on in the middle of your life.

*Safety tip: don't succeed